Let’s Talk about Agatha All Along Episode 1-2

Oh, Agatha Harkness, how I’ve missed you!

Amusingly, you had also missed yourself for three years due to the hex placed on you by Wanda Maximoff.

So, you led a meaningless existence in Westview, a place you mistakenly believed was your hometown.

Alas, the truth is that you’re from Salem, and now The Salem Seven are coming to remind you what you did, which was this:

Since one of those people is Agatha’s mother, this could be a particularly bittersweet reunion.

Oh, who am I kidding? They’re gonna Evil Dead this encounter, and we all know it.

So, let’s talk about Agatha All Along episode 1-2, the one with the all-too-catchy song.

Meet The Teen

At the start of this episode, Agatha’s in a bad head space. Sure, she has her memories back, but she may not want them.

Our (anti) hero knows that The Salem Seven will arrive in a matter of hours. Also, Vidal wants her to suffer.

Agatha’s grand plan is to run away as fast as possible, so she leaves “Random Boy” her home.

As I question the validity of that real estate transaction, the boy partially removes the duct tape from his mouth and says the magic words.

“Take me to the Witches’ Road!” That garners Agatha’s attention, and the two begin a dialogue for the first time.

The Teen relays that The Road will give you the thing you want the most, and he knows a surprising amount about it…and her.

Ever the narcissist, Agatha likes this. She puts on a kicky hat and accepts his praise about her Salem era.

At this point, the witch recognizes that The Teen broke the Scarlet Witch’s hex, which is an impressive demonstration of power.

So, she asks for more information from him and then re-examines the brooch she’d discovered at the crime scene.

She still possesses it in reality, not just her fake crime show. And it appears to contain a lock of hair.

The likeliest possessors of that hair color are Vidal and The Teen, although that’s me guessing rather than anything stated on the show.

Agatha immediately questions The Teen’s identity, which he says multiple times.

On each occasion, a spell prevents Agatha from hearing the name, although The Teen doesn’t seem to know that.

That mystery entices Agatha to “hit the road,” which is to say they’re going to walk The Witches’ Road.

Possessive Plural

For the first time during this series, Agatha has clothes and agency. So, she walks down the street as The Teen chases.

Since she lacks a car, he’s expected to drive. Before that can happen, she notices the plot where Wanda’s house had been.

Graffiti on the short concrete wall says things like “Evil witch” and has a Wanda mask logo crossed out. Agatha doesn’t like this place.

This scene serves a secondary purpose, as Agatha explains that to walk The Road, they’ll need a coven.

The Teen astutely notes the grammar here, as it’s Witches’ Road, a possessive plural. You need multiple witches for that.

So, the rest of the episode is a main quest to bring together the NPCs Wanda needs in her party to win the game.

After a playful moment where Agatha safely passes the Westview sign, something Wanda couldn’t do, the duo stops at Madame Calderu’s Psychic Readings.

The iconic Patti LuPone appears as a fortune teller whom Agatha quickly tests.

Our protagonist employs a terrible southern accent to pretend that she and her son are grieving the loss of her husband…and some gold bars.

Madame Calderu plays along at first but then she outs Agatha by saying, “They took your agency for three years.”

“It’s not the first time your witch kin betrayed you, but you survive in a way few do. In fact, it’s why you’re here…and I am NOT interested.”

At this moment, the other witch’s identity registers with Agatha. It’s the centuries-old Lilia Calderon.

The fortune teller has zero interest in joining the new coven until Agatha points out the foreclosure notice. This woman needs The Road.

One Witch Down, Three to Go

Agatha still needs three more members for her Coven of Chaos, as The Road requires witches with several different powers to work together.

With the “Divination Witch” onboard, Agatha goes in search of her points expert. Meet Jennifer Kale.

“Jen” is running a flimflam healthy living operation that has gotten her involved with any number of class action suits…and she’s on the wrong side of them.

It sounds like the law is coming for her one day soon. So, while she loathes Agatha, The Road sounds appealing to her.

As Agatha accurately summarizes, Kale is magically bound and about to be legally bound. She’s a fairly easy yes.

That’s not the case with Alice Wu-Gulliver, whose mother was a famous musician with a classic hit. It’s the Witches’ Road song.

Apparently, her mother disappeared, which has left her destitute and working security jobs.

The Teen and Agatha intentionally get Wu-Gulliver fired and then state their case.

While the would-be Protector Witch initially refuses, it’s obvious she’ll say yes.

The lingering mystery regarding her mother and her connection to The Road and that song is a tantalizing story thread to pull, too.

At this point, we’re an hour away from sunset, and Agatha is getting desperate.

Thus far, the witch has demonstrated reluctance to bring on another member, and we won’t learn why in this episode.

On the plus side, Wanda has gotten her wardrobe back and is looking like a fully empowered witch.

On the flip side, creatures like crows and wolves appear to be spying on her in anticipation of sundown.

A desperate woman, Agatha purposefully walks down the street to visit Mrs. Hart, whom we met in the WandaVision pilot.

She’s the wife of Vision’s boss in that episode. And she’s a plant witch.

Down the Witches’ Road

Mrs. Hart disputes her identity, reminding Agatha that her real name is Mrs. Davis. Wanda “branded” her as Mrs. Hart.

The woman seems rather dotty, but she’s a widow now. So, when Agatha invites her to a party, the gardener readily accepts.

Now, the gang’s all here…and it’s a larger gang than you’d expect.

Agatha sends The Teen upstairs to perform lookout while the witches sing their song and open the door to Witches’ Road.

As soon as The Teen looks out the front door, he notices a member of The Salem Seven.

No, wait. That figure splits into seven different nightmarish creatures. Here comes The Evil Dead-ish fun!

While The Teen scrambles for his life, the virtual strangers are downstairs, all of them singing the song except for Mrs. Hart.

After a few lyrics, they all start to get into it, and even Mrs. Hart gets into the chorus.

Sadly, after a full recitation, nothing happens. A furious Agatha berates the others for their mediocrity.

Outside, poor Herb is back, and he sees The Salem Seven as well. Between this and Naked, Confused Agatha, I suspect he’s putting his house on the market soon.

Back in the basement, the witches start to turn on each other. Agatha decides to bait them into attacking her.

As a reminder, since it’s been nearly four years, Agatha’s powers don’t work unless someone attacks her.

Before any of them attack her, Mrs. Hart points out that a pentagram-shaped wooden door has appeared in the floor.

Six Witches Enter a Barn…

Visually, the floor appears like the side of a barn door, and there are even door handles.

Agatha tries to open the door, but she’s not strong enough. So, she asks-demands for help.

Upstairs, The Teen decides all is lost and frantically heads to the basement.

Seeing an open door with stairs leading down, he never hesitates. The Salem Seven are chasing him, and he wants out.

So, The Teen becomes the first member of the Coven of Chaos to walk the Witches’ Road.

I have no idea whether that’s important or not, but it amused me. In fact, the entire sequence is brimming with macabre comedy.

Kale hears the disembodied screams, watches The Teen fleeing in terror, and shouts, “No, thank you!” She’s out of there, too.

Calderu wordlessly follows the stairs down to nowhere. Then, Wu-Gulliver, who has military training, quickly assesses the situation and does the same.

Mrs. Hart appears hesitant, which allows Kathryn Hahn to shine with her delivery of the line, “What does your gut tell you?”

After Mrs. Hart takes the stairs, Hahn makes an absolutely hysterical gesture that I’m gonna replay in my brain for years to come.

For her part, Mrs. Hart happily sings the new song she just learned as she willingly strides toward oblivion.

This entire sequence takes less than 30 seconds and is an absolute masterpiece.

As soon as there’s a GIF or TikTok of it, I’m going to watch it 500 times. Not even joking.

Once Agatha enters, she closes the doors. Almost immediately afterward, the door is replaced by stone.

The Salem Seven must wait even longer for their revenge.

Final Thoughts

The witches exit the stairs and enter an open area that looks like a magical forest. A clear path points the way. This is clearly The Witches’ Road.

Agatha reverently removes her shoes, and the other five witches follow.

With her confidence restored, the protagonist quickly returns to her natural irreverence. “I never doubted us for a second.”

All six of them walk the path, leaving their shoes behind for…reasons. And I’m in love.

After nearly four years of waiting, I’m already confident that Agatha All Along will be another Jac Schaeffer masterpiece.

And I’m so sure that I’m saying that after only two of nine episodes. The confidence on display with this storytelling takes my breath away.

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