Let’s Talk about Agatha All Along Episode 1-5
When we last left Agatha All Along, I posed a theory, a conclusion I’d reached based on a suspicion.
This week, the producers were kind enough to throw me a bone by going ahead and revealing the surprise.
So, let’s talk about Agatha All Along episode 1-5, the one with the crowning moment.
The E.T. Moment
This week’s episode begins with a bit of intrigue. Remember the Salem Seven? Well, they’ve returned.
Apparently, when the coven opened the portal to summon Rio Vidal, they forgot to close it afterward. Oops.
Also, I’ve had their identities wrong all along. To my surprise, these aren’t the witches Agatha killed in Salem.
No, apparently, those witches all had children who have sworn revenge on Agatha for generations now.
To make it work, I guess they took on mystical forms and can now transform into snakes, owls, and other creatures.
Then, when it’s convenient, they return to a more human form, all of which we learn when they…suddenly appear on the Witches’ Road.
Yeah, that’s not gonna be good for anyone, and Lilia awakens to an epiphany along those lines.
Lilia explains that Agatha willingly spared the children, thereby revealing a humanity nobody expected the witch to possess.
For her generosity, Agatha was rewarded with “a feral, hive-minded coven bent on revenge.”
As Rio Vidal states this, Agatha runs to grab her coat and summarizes with a moral: “Always finish what you started.”
To escape their supernatural foes, the witches embark on a journey the elders would rather eschew.
They’re ready to use hexenbesens to escape. In modern terms, those are brooms. That’s right, folks. These witches are gonna fly!
The seminal moment leads to an astounding visual of the coven against the moon’s backdrop. It’s breathtaking and thematic.
Alas, the Witches’ Road intercedes and refuses to let the coven escape its plight by air.
Mystical gravity pulls them toward the Third Trial, although one member of the Salem Seven unsuccessfully tries to stop them.
80s Pajama Party!
The witches enter a new house and quickly discover they’re dressed as if they’re in a 1980s teen slasher film.
Agatha is wearing a giant sleep shirt, while Alice looks like she stepped off the set of Flashdance.
Importantly, The Teen is wearing a headband, something comic book fans and WandaVision obsessives will notice.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s save the discussion about The Teen and his identity for the end. IYKYK.
Anyway, the plot here unfolds as you’d expect for a bunch of 1980s women having a sleepover.
They break out an Ouija board and begin to converse with the dead. We quickly learn it’s Agatha’s trial.
That tracks since she’s left a trail of dead bodies during her reign of terror as the possessor of the Darkhold.
We don’t know the nature of the Trial yet, but everyone is wearing an era-appropriate watch like a Casio, which just feels right.
The Trial comes with some Ouija board rules, pretty much all of which the coven breaks at some point. But here they are:
- Rule 1: Do not use the Ouija board alone
- Rule 2: Do not speak over each other
- Rule 3: Do not taunt the spirits
- Rule 4: Do not ask about death.
- Rule 5: Always end your session with goodbye.
- Rule 6: Do not, under any circumstances, remove your hand from the planchette. Doing so releases a spirit.
Okay, I think they honor the fifth one, but that’s it. There are some great jokes involving Rules 2 and 3, though.
Mommy Issues
The whole thing starts as a joke to Agatha. She guides the board to spell Mrs. Hart, which isn’t even her real name.
Still, this action allows Kathryn Hahn to perform an excellent impersonation of the recently deceased Green Witch.
We know it’s fake since Mrs. Hart emphasized that wasn’t her name.
She identified as Sharon Davis. Only Agatha called her Mrs. Hart.
Agatha releases the board during this impression, but it doesn’t count since it wasn’t a real reading.
When they try again, the board indicates it’s Death and its purpose is “PUNISH AGATHA!”
Freaked out, Agatha takes her hand off again. This time, it goes a LOT worse for her.
Yup, that released a spirit and a particularly troublesome one for Agatha. It’s her mother.
At this point, the episode turns into a pure horror flick for a time, with Agatha possessed by her mommy as the lights go off.
The other coven members act terrified of the spirit, who can float Agatha on the ceiling or make her disappear in a puff of smoke.
You know something is scary when it has a coven of witches scared to death!
Eventually, Lilia turns the lights back on, and Evanora Harkness of the Salemites takes a ghostly form. Agatha retreats to the attic.
Mother and daughter trade a few barbs before Evanora stated her almost puritanical belief that Agatha was born evil.
For a moment, the entire coven understands Agatha a bit better and is sympathetic to her. It will NOT last.
Evanora also berates the other witches, pointing out that her coven sacrificed everything to kill Agatha, while they willingly joined her.
Another Death
Agatha bravely faces the parent who despises her, showing unusual vulnerability in the process.
The witches believe they will conquer the Third Trial by leaving Agatha in the house with her mother.
The Teen hates this idea, but Jennifer Kale is all for it. Sensing weakness, Evanora possesses her daughter again.
Noble Alice, the Protector Witch, uses her powers to dispel the evil spirit. This action backfires horribly.
Remember in the series premiere when Agatha explained her powers to Rio? Yeah, she’s like a vampire witch.
When someone uses magic against her, Agatha can siphon their powers and thereby drain their life force.
Alice’s heroic action proves to be a fatal mistake. Whether it’s a willing or unwilling action, Agatha takes Alice’s power, leaving a lifeless husk.
I think Agatha did this intentionally from the slow-motion hand gestures, but there’s some debate on social media about it.
Desperate, The Teen returns to the Ouija board and asks the question the coven should have started with: “Who are you?”
The board replies that it’s Nicholas Scratch, Agatha’s lost child. With one second on the clock, The Teen solves the puzzle.
Technically, the Coven of Chaos survives the Third Trial…well, most of them.
Agatha hears the disembodied voice of her son saying, “Mama! Stop!” I’m pretty sure that’s foreshadowing.
The Teen, who just saved the day, shows tremendous humanity in trying to awaken the obviously dead Alice.
No longer in the power trance, Agatha appears surprised by what she’s seeing. So, it’s possible she really didn’t intend this.
Despite this fact, Agatha quickly retreats to the exit and returns to the Witches’ Road.
Crown Me
Even though we’re only at the 22-minute mark of the episode, it appears over. Au contraire!
The Teen confronts Agatha, but the other coven members have already entered the acceptance phase.
Even Lilia, who can’t stand Agatha, shrugs it off by saying, “Death comes for us all.”
That’s a much different stance from the episode’s beginning when these women were trying to escape the Salem Seven.
Frustrated, furious, and disappointed, The Teen asks an existential question: “That’s what it means to be a witch?”
And that’s when the show takes a turn! The Teen refuses his fate by saying, “No! Not for me!”
Agatha intently stares at his face and smiles knowingly. She’s seen that look before…but not from him.
After giggling for a moment, Agatha mercilessly states in a taunting manner, “Are you sure?”
Then, she delivers the knockout blow. “You’re so much like your mother.”
If the episode had ended right there, viewers might have believed she meant herself…but no!
The Teen goes on tilt and attacks Agatha, using magically controlled Lilia and Jennifer Kale as his weapons.
He casts Agatha into the same mud that almost killed Sharon Hart. Then, he casts his new minions into the deadly mud as well.
This dude isn’t a familiar or, as Agatha just derisively called him, a “pet.” No, he’s a badass warlock no longer harboring a secret.
The final cutaway shot sells the story. The Teen is wearing a crown, just like we’ve seen his mother, Wanda Maximoff, do.
As I suspected, The Teen is Billy Maximoff, the child of two Avengers. Now we’ve got a ballgame.
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