Let’s Talk about What If…? Episode 3-4
When last we left Darcy and Howard the Duck, he had just asked her to split some half-priced nachos.
Darcy assured him that despite her saying yes, it was “not a date.” And Howard the Duck proved her right.
The unique Marvel character promptly got engaged to her, which caused me to spend the last three years wondering what a date would have looked like.
Well, that was September 22nd, 2021, and the story appeared to have ended there.
Fast forward to Christmas Day 2024, and we unexpectedly gained closure.
Let’s talk about Marvel’s What If…? episode 3-4, the one with the VERY popular hybrid egg. (Spoiler: that egg is a badass.)
Darcy’s Low Standards
Darcy Lewis is one of the greatest characters in the MCU. I will happily die on this hill.
She’s quirky, clever, and quick with a quip. Alas, she apparently has self-esteem issues.
First, nobody would bring her a coffee on WandaVision, even though she cracked the case.
Later, she apparently married Howard the Duck, which strikes me as a fate worse than death. Also, it sounds illegal.
Fortunately, the duo fell in love in Las Vegas, where anything goes, and an Elvis impersonator will happily perform the vows.
So, the duo embarked on their honeymoon and quickly produced some sort of giant egg baby.
The new parents don’t know how this process is gonna work. So, they stick the egg in a cradle and sing I Was Made for Loving You.
What year is it? Well, Howard the Duck quickly answers that question by reminding us Kiss released the song in 1979.
So, this is…later? And that egg is quite popular. We learn that quickly as The Grandmaster – yes, him – pulls a con.
The Grandmaster apparently loves delicious alien delicacies, and hybrid human/duck egg sounds tasty to him.
So, the ever-entertaining Topaz tells the loving couple that they’ve won an “all expenses paid” trip on a Grand Cruise Across the Stars.
What they don’t know is that their baby will be the primary dish served at the captain’s table during the cruise.
Remarkably, that’s just the start of a prolonged chase episode. Have you ever watched Run, Lola, Run? It’s a lot like that.
The First Swerve
Darcy and Howard the Duck make their first mistake when they willingly hand over the egg to the Grandmaster.
The lie they believe is that it’s free babysitting. Once they arrive at breakfast, they realize it’s a To Serve Man scenario.
Before the Grandmaster can sample the wares, which is to say their baby, Yondu (?) appears and steals it away.
This becomes a recurring theme throughout the episode. Just as the couple nears egg retrieval, another MCU character arrives.
The next time we meet someone new, it’s Agent Fury and Agent Coulson, and Samuel L. Jackson is having the time of his life.
The running joke is that he calls the couple “The The Ducks” (not a typo), and he clearly relishes each and every line reading.
The exposition here indicates that The Convergence occurred on Darcy’s due date. Yes, that egg baby causes The Convergence.
What’s The Convergence? Who cares! It’s a reason for all your favorite MCU characters to chase after an egg. What more do you need?
Anyway, Howard the Duck listens in on a whispered conversation between Fury and Coulson.
The would-be daddy learns that Ravagers are arriving on the scene. They’re hoping to sell that baby on the black market.
So, everyone heads to Knowhere, where Kaecilius is willing to pay Yondu a lot of money for that egg.
Apparently, Kaecilius killed The Collector, who had previously wanted the egg.
Yondu, the current possessor of the egg, tries to negotiate a higher price, which leads to this impeccable line of dialogue:
“I’m sorry, Captain, but Dormammu does not come to bargain.”
Yondu is super-duper dead. He won’t be chasing that egg anymore.
Enter Dormammu and Zeus
If you’ve seen one unholy ritual, you’ve seen them all. This one summons Dormammu, who looks VERY shiny in animated form.
Apparently, “the Ensoulment” is happening, but Darcy and Howard the Duck have arrived on the scene to stop it.
As Darcy explains it, they’re “trying to Rosemary’s Baby this guy into our baby.” And she’s right.
At that moment, Fury and Coulson arrive and stop the ceremony before Dormammu can take on egg form. This is a weird episode.
Anyway, Kaecilius doesn’t appreciate the interruption and casts one of those ground-moving spells to move the egg.
A bunch of those Wong magical circles appear and port Darcy Duck around until the egg arrives in mama’s arms.
The duo escapes Knowhere and thinks they’re free of the villains. Darcy wants them to lay low, though.
Howard the Duck calls in a favor and holes up in Jotunheim with his buddy, Loki (in Frost Giant form).
They suffer through a sales pitch, as Loki wants to build a ski resort in his icy shadow realm.
Loki’s dad, Laufey, doesn’t warm to the idea of the ski resort, and he’s not crazy about The The Ducks.
Before father and son can finish their conversation, “Sir Nicholas Fury” arrives.
As Darcy and Howard the Duck flee S.H.I.E.L.D., Loki believes that his “brother from another mother not will look kindly on this.”
A lightning bolt punctuates the moment, but it turns out this is Zeus, not Thor. Eep!
A Magical Conclusion
At this point, the couple flees on foot…and somehow bungles into the Black Order.
They are here for – I kid you not – a corporate retreat. They even have a Groupon. Remember Groupon, kids?
Unfortunately, Howard the Duck says too much about their “magical kid,” which causes Corvus Glaive to call it in to his boss.
Thanos is NOT amused, stating, “An egg? You called me for an egg?” Corvus defends himself by stating, “It’s magical.”
Oh, is it ever! Howard and Darcy sled downhill away from their pursuers but eventually come to an end.
Since they’ve created some distance, they sit together and gaze upon their impending doom slowly approaching from a distance.
A hysterical bit of animation unfolds as an angry horde of the scariest monsters in the MCU come closer to The The Ducks.
The couple makes their peace with the situation and starts singing I Was Made for Loving You.
The egg starts to glow. And float. Upon witnessing its beauty, Thanos, Kaecilius, and others approach and attack.
The glowing egg eviscerates everyone. It doesn’t kill them, but they suffer glowing lightning shock of some sort.
Then, the egg cracks, and the adorable baby appears. It promptly expels all its would-be owners/eaters from Jotunheim.
Final Thoughts
The The Ducks emerge victorious thanks to their magical duck-human baby hybrid, who is all tuckered out and naps on mommy.
For his part, Nick Fury apologizes and teleports out. Then, Loki apologizes, and Laufey offers them a free week at the lodge.
However, the family misses its home. So, Darcy and Howard the Duck return to their world where the baby, Byrdie, rests in the cradle.
Yes, we get a happy ending! Half-priced nachos for all! Seriously, this was delightful. What If…? is finishing strong.
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