Let’s Talk about X-Men ’97 Episode 1-6

Last week proved AEW wrestler Lance Archer right. Everybody dies.

This week, we’ll take a different approach, one that’s familiar territory for serial television viewers.

Rather than explore the fallout of the Genosha terrorist attack, we’re leaning hard into the romance and sibling rivalry.

Remember Professor Xavier?

For the first time this season, the real Professor Charles Xavier appears on screen.

Technically, we’ve seen this character once before, but it proved to be Morph masquerading as the Professor.

Finally, we get the real deal, although we must travel light years across the universe to find our missing hero.

Also, Professor X is walking, which is a bit of a surprise. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

At the end of X-Men: The Animated Series, an episode entitled Graduation Day revealed Xavier’s fate.

Mister Sinister had poisoned the founder of the X-Men in a way that was fatal…on Earth.

If Xavier traveled to the home world of his sometimes girlfriend, the Empress Lilandra, in the Shi’ar Empire, he could find salvation.

This episode picks up there, even though its name, Lifedeath Part 2, hints at a resolution to Storm’s story.

Well, that’s coming in a bit, but it’s not how the episode starts.

Instead, we watch Deathbird absolutely wreck Ronan the Accuser’s troops and tell him to surrender.

While you can apparently distract Ronan by dancing in his general vicinity, he proves stubborn and unwilling to yield.

At this point, Gladiator appears. He was a kind of fascist version of Superman before The Boys existed.

Fiercely loyal to the empire, Gladiator never much cares about right and wrong. He simply beats up the enemies of the Shi’ar.

Specifically, Gladiator knocks Ronan to his knees, as Deathbird pressures him to reveal intel.

This conversation is interrupted by a message from the Empress herself. She announces…her own royal wedding?!

Oh, Charles Xavier, you sly dog! You’re gonna be Mr. Empress of the Shi’ar Empire soon!

Teacher of the Year

Anyway, a ceremony unfolds, and Professor X appears…in a kind of battle armor that allows him to walk again.

Hundreds of Shi’ar people watch in shock as the Professor takes off his helmet to reveal he’s human aka Terran. This is gonna be a thing.

For her part, Lilandra is very much in love, while the Professor feels a bit conflicted. He’s missing his students.

What is Charles Xavier without the X-Men? Well, it turns out that he’s quite the intergalactic ladies’ man, but he’s also lonely.

Lilandra asks to know what he’s thinking, which is mainly that there sure is a lot of war in the Shi’ar Empire.

Meanwhile, the peasants revolt a bit, hating the idea of not just a Terran but a MUTANT Terran as their Imperial Consort.

For no particular reason, someone decides the Professor must prove his loyalty to the Empire by undergoing some mad science.

They’re gonna rip his X-Men memories straight from his mystical skull. As far as storytelling goes, this one’s pretty lazy.

Everything is an excuse to show some interstellar combat and remind the viewer of what a badass Charles Xavier is.

During the procedure, Xavier refuses to renounce the X-Men.

At this point, Deathbird…I dunno, tries to overthrow the government or something?

Don’t worry! They’re going somewhere with this, though. It’s all an elaborate setup for a good gag.

Once everyone starts fighting, Charles Xavier enters their minds and…forces them into a class at his school.

Dude eats an apple and everything. Well, he eats the apple in his mind, but you get the point.

He also pulls the whole “Ten points from Slytherin” thing on Deathbird, the class bully.

Wise beyond His Years

Despite the fact that the Professor hadn’t planned any of this, on the spot, he creates a masterful thesis on the nature of society.

Xavier describes coexistence as “messy,” while noting that he got into teaching to make that point to others.

There’s an exceptionally entertaining sight gag in play as some of the most powerful beings in existence sit at their school desks.

Right as Xavier is reaching them, the unlikely occurs. And I mean WILDLY unlikely.

Someone stretching their mind millions of light years to interrupt Charles’ session.

A vision of Gambit turning into a skeleton informs Xavier of everything that has happened at Genova.

He laments, “They were dancing, drinking wine, making love! My children of the atom…destroyed!”

This knowledge…and a psychic blast from Skeleton Gambit (?!) undoes the Professor. He collapses to the floor.

Lilandra stares at his lifeless body in horror. He appears to be stunned, but he’s aware enough to make a plea.

Charles Xavier wants to go home. He asks his betrothed to return him to Earth.

Weirdly – and for no logical reason – Lilandra claims that if Charles Xavier returns home, he will prove Deathbird right.

Is mourning friends just not a thing in the Shi’ar Empire? Dude’s kinda needed back on Earth.

Professor X’s final line is, “It is time I return to my X-Men.” Welcome to Dumpville, Lilandra. Population: You!

Then again, from her perspective, Xavier probably seems pretty ungrateful. She did save his life and nurse him back to health.

Then, the instant she tries to make their relationship permanent, he bails. I guess you just can’t tie Professor X down, ladies!

Lifedeath Part 2

Another romance unfolds across the universe at a place we call Earth. Probably. All of this could be in Storm’s mind.

Anyway, Storm remains trapped in a lovely prison that looks like a comfortable log cabin. The Adversary taunts her here.

So, they’re like that roommate you had that you absolutely hated. No matter what you did, they were always there.

Storm faces that, only it appears to be a powerful creature of full enmity. And it’s torturing Forge.

By this point, the two of them have made peace with the fact that his weapon removed her powers. Now, they’re just doomed lovers.

Forge doesn’t want to be alone, but he’s also not in great health. He’s the weak link at the log cabin.

Somehow, Forge musters the strength to show her some underground tunnels that exist for…some reason.

The duo bonds as Storm accepts the fact that Forge’s machine has failed. She will never regain her powers.

Also, Forge is dying, but there’s a crawlspace where the claustrophobic Storm can make her escape.

This came up like four times in the original cartoon, and the story played out similarly then as now.

At first, Storm gives into her fear before totally overcoming it. In the process, she bests The Adversary.

More importantly and rather surprisingly, Storm just goes ahead and regains her powers right now.

I figured they’d stretch this story out until the season finale, which is a month away. But no.

Omega-level storm wrecks The Adversary. Then, she uses some mystical salve to heal Forge’s wounds.

The two are now alone in his romantic cabin, but they’re still talking about an exotic vacation when he turns on the television.

That’s how Storm learns that several of her friends were just killed in Genosha.

Bolivar’s Regret

Speaking of Genosha, do you know how bad that whole thing was?

Bolivar Trask feels so guilty that he wants to die! Yes, one of the worst terrorists alive is taking the blame for what went down.

Alas, there’s someone pursuing Trask, someone the human asks to end his suffering by killing him.

That “person” tells Trask that he no longer has anything to fear, “so long as you place your faith in Sinister.”

So, the villain who believes he killed Charles Xavier and the X-Men is ready to take the next step in his sordid plan.

He’s about to find out that the Professor is back, albeit heartbroken and revenge-minded.

Also, Super Mega Storm is coming for him, too. And Storm appears to have unlocked her top-tier Limit Break.

In short, war is coming.

 

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