Let’s Talk about What If…? Episode 3-1

And then there were eight.

What if Disney+ didn’t cancel a marvelous Marvel animated series?

That’s the question that will linger in the aftermath of this season, as Marvel’s What If…? is heading to a finish.

We’ve got eight episodes to recap before the show goes away for a while.

You’ll note that I’m specifically not saying forever because Futurama proves that no great animated series is ever really dead.

So, let’s talk about What If…? episode 3-1, the one with all the kaiju.

A Cereal Commercial Come to Life

The season premiere starts with a cheeky joke about the absurdity of Saturday morning cartoons.

This generational kind of appointment television is dead due to streaming, but it was a way of life for many of us.

We’d start each Saturday by eating the most sugary cereals imaginable while Animated Product Placement told us what to buy.

In this episode, a girl is watching “Go Avenger: Heroes of the Gamma War” while she devours Cap’n’s Munchies.

This one sight gag makes me wonder whether I’ve got any Peanut Butter Captain Crunch in the pantry. It’s the visual. That’s how they get you.

Anyway, the story recounts that The Avengers were doing great at being Earth’s Mightiest Avengers.

Then, Hulk got mad at them for some reason – he is always kinda mad – and created genetic abominations vaguely like him.

All seemed lost until “The Iron Man” came up with an idea to combat the giant lizards: mecha suits!

Yes, the Avengers in this cartoon wear giant robot costumes, which I’m sure are available at a store for $39.99 MSRP.

Alas, her streaming connection lags as the ground shakes. The girl realizes that the Hulk Lizards have just knocked down her wall.

This fight is based on real events, and it’s ready to start anew!

Does this mean Transformers was true? Is there a Cybertron?

On Your Left

This is the one about friendship. Friendship and 1990s animated television satire.

We start with the unforgettable “On your left!” moment from Captain America: The Winter Soldier. But there’s a catch!

This time, Sam Wilson is running fast like I’m sure all Avengers do.

Poor science nerd Bruce Banner cannot keep up. But magnanimous Wilson befriends Dr. Bruce anyway.

Apparently, Banner’s inner turmoil was tearing him up inside. So, Wilson asked him to talk about it, and they bonded.

They go sailing together and everything! In guy law, that’s like going steady. Alas, Banner turns into Hulk on the boat.

This embarrassment causes a desperate Banner to attempt a genetic separation. He partially succeeds, I guess.

This creates the Mecha Hulk, the “Apex” who created the legions of lizard abominations threatening the Avengers.

So, that’s when Tony Stark created the biggest Hulk-Busters ever. And they fought Lizard Hulks until there were none left.

Sadly, most of the Avengers died during this conflict called the Gamma War. And it wasn’t over, either.

The Apex Hulk simply hid and bided its time for a decade, unbeknownst to Sam Wilson and Bruce Banner.

Now, the next generation of Avengers faces a wave “triple the size” of the one.

There’s a role call of the heroes, and it includes Red Guardian, Melina Vostokoff, Nakia, Shang-Chi (!), and Moon Knight (!!!).

Notably, the head science expert is Monica Rambeau. So, we’ve got many of the potential new Avengers in the MCU.

Long story short, they know the Lizard Hulks killed much stronger Avengers and don’t like the odds.

Wilson appears to be the leader, with Bucky Barnes and Monica Rambeau as second and third in command.

The show doesn’t hide the fact that this is leading toward a confrontation between Wilson and Banner.

Very Big Guns

Look, this episode is a kaiju fight. Specifically, it’s Avengers mechs vs. kaiju, which tells me everybody was having fun.

This is the most ridiculous kind of fan service, and I suspect many of the fans were in the writing room or animating the show.

Wilson realizes that the Lizard Hulks are invading rather than attack. They plan to take over, led by Apex Hulk.

Apparently, a creature can harbor quite the grudge after being holed up in an underground warren for a decade.

Meanwhile, Monica knows they need Banner’s help. So, she tracks his location and gives it to Wilson, who doesn’t want to go.

Eventually, Wilson parks his mecha suit – it’s quite the visual – and visits Banner’s forest residence.

It’s a nuclear combat bomber. Bruce Banner ain’t right in the head. He’s living right by a literal nuclear bomb.

Anyway, Wilson asks for help. Banner informs his friend that he hasn’t hulked out in ages.

Banner says no. However, he has created a new interface called the Mighty Avenger Protocol. He believes it can stop the invasion.

Wilson pleads for his friend to fight his inner demons and the actual demons invading the planet. Banner won’t budge.

So, Sam heads to where the monsters are and unveils the new mech upgrade to the other Avengers. They’re…reluctant.

Banner does have something of a reputation when it comes to the mad sciences.

Still, the changes appear to work, as “systems (are) clocking at 1,000 percent.” In math, we call that ten.

Anyway, the Mecha-Avengers fight the evil kaiju in a classic tale of robots versus monsters.

Friendship Wins!

Eventually, the fight takes a turn. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be stakes.

So, the giant lizards, especially the Apex Hulk, start wiping the floor with the juiced-up Avengers. But then we hear…

“On your left!” Yup, Doctor Bruce Banner has come to save the day…by ingesting more gamma than anything ever has.

This takes us back to the whole mad science discussion. But since this is a television series, and a silly one at that, it all works out!

Bruce destroys Apex Hulk and his baby lizard hulkings…but not before he transitions into the Godzilla Hulk.

Seriously, someone was having a lot of playing in the kaiju sandbox.

The matchup between Apex Hulk and Godzilla Hulk proves remarkably even-handed until friendship saves the day.

Wilson jumps in his mecha and launches robot arm at Apex Hulk’s face.

It’s an impossibly great shot from miles away. Let’s suspend disbelief and presume there was aim-assist involved.

Anyway, Godzilla Hulk wins and inhales nuke fumes, making him Apex Godzilla Hulk.

Personally, I would give him a mecha, too, as I worry this concept isn’t over the top enough.

Anyway, the Avengers prepare to battle Super Mega Unstoppable Hulk before Wilson asks his friend to talk.

The monster decides he wouldn’t mind going on another boat ride at some point and chooses peace. Friendship wins!

Banner made the right choice. Boats are where beer is the tastiest.

Anyway, that brings an end to this 30-minute exercise in absurdity. And I loved every second of it!

More of this, please, Marvel!

 

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