Let’s Talk about What If…? Episode 2-5

Have you ever watched a romantic comedy and thought, “What if these two lovers fought to the death?”

If so, you’ll really love What If…Captain Carter Fought the Hydra Stomper?

Yes, let’s talk about What If…? episode 2-5, the one where Steve Rogers is the Winter Soldier.

Star-crossed Lovers

As we’ve explored the multiverse, we’ve learned that Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers just can’t be happy.

Perhaps that premise fits with a statement in Avengers: Endgame.

Remember that Doctor Strange only finds one scenario where his team defeats Thanos?

Perhaps that’s the only reality where Peggy and Steve finally get that dance.

Already this season, we’ve watched a heartbroken Captain Carter mourn what might have been in a 1980s-era episode.

Now, we’re gonna turn 2012’s The Avengers on its head by replacing Captain America with Peggy Carter.

In fact, the story starts at what sure looks like The Battle of New York, as “new friend” Peggy aids Black Widow.

We see several of the other Avengers, although Wasp is here and straight-up murdering aliens.

Eventually, Captain Carter and Black Widow meet Loki and decide that his punchable face deserves multiple punches.

The camera cuts before we get this particular “PUNY GOD!” happy ending, though. Too bad.

In the aftermath of their victory, Natasha Romanoff and Peggy reenact the opening scene of Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

This time, Peggy is the one driving the hot rod, while Natasha knows some details of the mission.

They’re recovering the Hydra Stomper, and we quickly learn that “someone” is inside.

Yes, it’s Steve Rogers, although Natasha calls him “Robo Cop.”

Peggy throws her shield and knocks away the faceguard, thereby confirming that it is Steve Rogers who has been brainwashed.

The two women ask Nick Fury to explain. He reveals that Bucky and Steve destroyed all the remaining Hydra bases.

Rogers allegedly died during the final mission, but Black Widow reveals that she’d heard rumors of the Winter Soldier.

Peggy can’t trust anybody.

The Inverse Elevator Battle

Hey, remember when Crossbones betrayed Steve Rogers, causing them to fight in an elevator?

Robert Redford’s character was the villain in that story, too.

Well, we’re doing a variant of that premise here. Rogers attacks the building this time, while Crossbones defends it.

Also, we’ve swapped out Robert Redford’s character with Bucky Barnes, who is calling the shots now in a similar role.

Everything is backward in this episode.

Eventually, Black Widow flies a plane to a window and prepares to destroy the Hydra Stomper.

Barnes jumps in front of her, preventing the shot. Then, he pleads with Steve to get a drink, just like in the olden days.

Robo Cop briefly considers this idea and lowers his weapon. Then, he re-raises it and prepares to blast Bucky out of existence.

At this moment, Captain Carter heroically arrives and prevents the killshot. She and the Stomper fight.

Brainwashed Steve Rogers flies her into the clouds, where a shield throw accidentally knocks him unconscious.

They appear doomed, but remember that Black Widow was flying a plane. She saves the day.

Later, the two women talk, with Natasha revealing that the odds of Rogers dying increase with each implementation.

The same technology that has made him immortal is also…killing him? I do love and hate a good paradox.

Anyway, Black Widow suggests that the Red Room is responsible for all this.

They could possibly help Steve if they could locate it, but nobody knows where.

At this point, Steve Rogers shows up and says he can take them. After all, he points out that he still owes Peggy “that date.”

That Date.

While Black Widow is suspicious, the real Steve Rogers does appear to be in control of his lesser demons.

So, he’s the Winter Soldier and the Hydra Stomper and also super-heroic Steve Rogers. There’s a lot happening under his hood.

The three of them visit a town based on the collective works of John Mellencamp, and I’m not joking when I say that.

Presumably, everyone here was born in a small town, and their parents live in that same small town.

Peggy and Steve find this place ideal for “that date.” And that makes Natasha feel like a third wheel.

After she leaves, they have a romantic talk in a gazebo right up until *checks notes* robo-small towners attack them with technology.

These Audio-Animatronics use “widow bites” to jolt Peggy with tens of thousands of volts.

Predictably, Steve Rogers returns to Winter Soldier mode soon afterward, leaving Peggy to fight everyone.

The most disturbing moment occurs when a leaping Peggy splits a baby carriage in twain…and there IS a robot baby in it at the time.

That’s one way of telling Steve that Captain Britain doesn’t want children.

Thankfully, Black Widow appears and seems to be helping right up until…her mother arrives?!

Okay, so this isn’t just a What If take on The Winter Soldier. It’s tossing in some Black Widow movie elements as well.

Poor Parenting

Sure enough, Melina shows up, and she’s brought some of her finest Red Room assassins with her.

Melina also informs Natasha that they turned her bedroom into a gym, which just isn’t cool.

You can be just as evil as you want, but you should still leave your child’s bedroom intact!

Melina proves that she’s fully in control of the Winter Soldier.

At this point, the best dialogue of the season unfolds.

Peggy: “All right, you can say, “I told you so.””

Natasha: “Later. I don’t wanna fight in front of my mom.”

Peggy: “Mom?”

Natasha: “Ish.”

Peggy: “Let’s unpack that later, shall we?”

Oh, that is sparkling. Well done, writing team! Also, I want to give a shoutout to Lake Bell for her line delivery as Black Widow.

I haven’t once wished that Scarlett Johansson was reading the lines instead. Bell has a gift for voice acting.

Melina also reveals that this entire plan was made just to lure Peggy Carter into a trap.

Apparently, all little girls in Russia dream of becoming Captain Carter.

Peggy learns that they made a movie about her, and it was a musical. This episode really brings the funny.

Now, we really need Marvel to create Carter: The Musical, though.

After this bit of quipping, they fight, with the Hydra Stomper attacking Peggy, and Black Widow’s “sisters” going after her.

You’ll never guess who wins the Black Widow fight! Yes, it’s Black Widow. She even beats up her mother. Yay?

Also, Peggy manages to coax the real Steve Rogers out from inside the Winter Soldier brainwashing.

But right when you think that Peggy and Steve will get their happy ending, Steve flies into the Red Room, sacrificing himself to destroy it.

Romantic comedies typically end differently.

Final Thoughts

This episode ends with a surprise, and it’s not Steve Rogers accidentally killing Melina via tethered cable.

Peggy and Natasha escape Cougartown and plan a night out on the town. They’re gonna steal Tony Stark’s car.

The Watcher narrates this event and spits out his catchphrase, only to quizzically state, “What the Hell is this?”

A magical gap appears in the floor, and the void sucks Peggy inside. Natalie asks where her friend went.

The Watcher states, “That’s a good question.”

So, we’re ending with a bit of a mystery this week, one that won’t be resolved until…1602.

That’s right, Neil Gaiman fans! The final shot of the episode shows Victorian-era Nick Fury and Scarlet Witch looking down on Peggy.

There’s also a subtle but important comment after that. Peggy calls for the Watcher, indicating she knows he’s still tracking her.

That statement will prove important later this season.

Stating the obvious, A LOT happened in this episode. I’m thoroughly entertained.

 

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